31 Days of Twilight – Day 2, Where In Edward Reveals His Secret…That He’s Kind Of A Crazy, Psycho Jerk

Whiskey you're the devil, and you're leading me astray

Tonight’s Twilight blogging is brought to you by a certain Irish whiskey whose name rhymes with Hamesons.

Day two, here we are. Another seventy-one pages down. I’d like to say that this last section went easier and it did, a little. The writing certainly didn’t improve. Maybe my mind was getting used to it, building a tolerance like Wesley did to iocane powder.

Before we begin I want to say thank you to everyone who checked out my post yesterday. It was neat seeing the page view count go up, and up, and up. The comments were good, the support was appreciated, and the snark? Well, you know I love the snark. I just wanted to say thank you and, please, keep it up. I do this partially for you so you don’t have to do it yourself.

Now where were we…

Oh yes. The Sadie Hawkins/girls choice dance.

Basically everyone and their brother, ok, maybe not everyone but certainly every male character with a name who isn’t a teacher or a vampire or Bella’s dad, asks Bella to the Sadie Hawkins dance even though it’s supposed to be a girl’s choice of who to ask. Mike, Eric the chess nerd, even Tyler of the Van of Very Nearly Bella Squishing, all of them want to take her to the dance even though they hardly know her AND she’s treated them like crap which means she either is more attractive than she thinks or she is to those boys as Edward is to her…

I’ll have to examine that theory later.

Bella spends the day dodging boys not getting the whole concept of the “the girls ask you to dance, dummy” until she meets up with Edward. Who, while being more talkative, is even more of a stalker-ish jerk than when he was glaring hate beams at her in science class. Oh, and psycho. A taste, for you:

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere. “I’m being very rude, I know. But it’s better this way, really. …It’s better if we’re not friends…trust me.”
“But it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.” His voice was quiet as usual — velvet, muted.
He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped.
“It would be more…
prudent for you not to be my friend,” he explained. “But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.”
“You really
should stay away from me,” he warned. “See you in class.”

We go from him attempting to drive her away by being rude, insulting her, talking to her as if she’s slow in the head, warning her to stay away from him while telling her he’s not going to stay away from her, and then really warning her that she should really stay away from her. All of that in just a single conversation and chapter.

THIS IS THE GUY THAT GROWN WOMEN ARE TATTOOING ON THEIR BODIES BECAUSE THEY THINK HE’S AWESOME?

DON’T BELIEVE ME?

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE THISYOU WILL SHARE MY PAINRoll for SAN loss please.

What has happened to these women that a guy who treats someone like that is somehow their ideal to the point they’d permanently carve his likeness into their flesh? I mean, did some guy seriously do them so much wrong where that *points above* is not only endearing, but somehow fanning the flames of fannish passion?

I don’t get it, I…I just don’t get it.

Anyway, Edward, hearing Bella’s excuse that she will be missing the dance to go to Seattle, inexplicably offers her a ride in his car because he wants her to stay away from him. Yes, I’m serious, almost in the same breath he not only offers her a ride, while insulting her intelligence and claiming she’s bad for the environment, but tells her to stay away from him.

Then, at lunch, he’s sitting away from the rest of his family, sees her, turns on the smolder, crooks his finger at her to come join him as if she’s a dog, and then winks at her. Somehow, in the space of one high school class period, Edward went from “YOU SHOULD REALLY STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU IDIOT GIRL CHILD!” to “I decided as long as I’m going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly.” He doesn’t really explain himself, leaving the reader just as confused as Bella (and let’s face it, guys, that’s really confused). He then ramps up the crazy with more lines such as:

“I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you…I may not give you back though.”
“I told you — I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I’m giving up.” He was still smiling, but his ocher eyes were serious.”
[Bella]”Giving up?”
“Yes — giving up trying to be good. I’m just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may.” His smile faded as he explained, and a hard edge crept into his voice.”
“Yes, because you’re not listening to me. I’m still waiting for you to believe it. If you’re smart, you’ll avoid me.”

All of that is in their lunch conversation. In a handful of days he’s decided he just can’t stay away from her, that he’s going to do what he wants, but she, Bella, she should totally stay away from him.

Coo-coo for Bella’s cocoa puffs.

Before continuing with the plot summary I’d like to say that I think it is a damn shame how often Meyer abuses the em dash. Whatever did it do to her? Seriously.

Anyway, Biology class turns out to be a very strange affair where the teacher tells the kids they’re going to stab each other and bleed on cards so the Red Cross can get their blood type. Bella, of course, gets faint at the sight of blood and has to leave the class. Mike, of puppy-like affection, offers to take her to the nurse’s office. While on the way there Bella asks to take a moment and sits on the curb. Edward finds them and decides this isn’t fast enough and picks Bella up, just slinging her around, and ignores all of her requests for him to put her down while telling her she looks horrible and carrying her to the nurse. At one point he even tells her that he’s seen “corpses with better color” than her.

A charmer, that Edward Cullen.

Edward gets her out of the gym class she has the next period and Bella, lost in her attraction for Edward, invites him to come along with her to a beach trip Mike has been organizing. Edward replies he doesn’t think that wouldd be a good idea, that he doesn’t think it’d be a good idea to push “poor Mike” any further (while saying it in a way that means he totally thinks it’d be a good idea) and Bella replies, “Mike-schmike,” I muttered, preoccupied by the way he’d said “you and I.” I liked it more than I should.

Yes, this is the guy who has spent the short time he’s known you insulting you at every turn, acting severely crazy, and this is how you react, by dismissing a perfectly nice guy who has been nothing short of awesome.

Edward offers to give Bella a ride home, and by offer I mean threatens to drag her into his car if she tries to drive herself. They have more of the confusing dialog that they’ve been having, him insulting her, her alternating between being annoyed at him and think he’s dreamy, and then they have this little bit of foreshadowing while talking about Bella’s reasoning for moving to Forks (remember, it was to make it so her mother could more easily spend time with her new husband):

“That’s very generous…I wonder,” he mused.
“What?”
“Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice [of husband] was?” He was suddenly intent, his eyes searching mine.

Totally not telegraphing via crazy there, SM.

The next day is Mike’s trip to La Push, what amounts to a beach in that area. Bella actually has a good time, more or less. Mike puppy-dogs after her, annoying a girl Lauren who would prefer that he puppy-dog after her, and Bella meets a new boy by the name of Jacob, one of the local Native American kids. Jacob is apparently “beautiful” with “silky, russet-colored” skin, and we start our adjective counter for Jacob at one “beautiful”. Bella, of course, has to flirt with him and Jacob, because she’s Bella, totally goes for it, further irritating Lauren who is probably wondering why Bella shows up and suddenly every guy only pays attention to her. Jacob tells Bella a story about how, way back in the day, there were werewolves and that the werewolves fought the cold ones, who are vampires, except there was a group of good vampires who only ate animals and so his tribe made a treaty with the good vampires, only that by telling Bella all of this he’s probably broken the treaty.

All of this gets Bella worked up and she has a really weird dream where Jacob turns into a wolf, shock, Edward turns out to be a vampire, gasp, and Mike is totally ignored as she chooses between the first two guys. She wakes up and can’t get back to sleep so she has to go look up vampires on her crappy old dial-up computer and finds, SURPRISE, that of all the evil vampires in the world there’s one good group! Guys, isn’t that amazing! I wonder which group of vampires Edward will be a part of! I would totally be surprised if it was the good group, because, I mean, statistically speaking of all the vampires in the world, what are the chances he’s not one of the going-for-virginial-women-listen-to-them-children-of-the-night types?

This gets Bella further flustered and she has to go for a walk. We see her angst over whether or not Edward and family could be blood suckers and, ok, you know what, I’m done with this. Basically it’s just a bunch of emotional wankery we’ve seen in 142 pages so far.

So what did we get in this section? Well, for one we got a lot of Edward being a confusing, manipulative dick. His multiple and contradictory statements, possessiveness, and insults all make me wonder what could possibly be so enticing about this guy, other than that he’s apparently beautiful x 7, gorgeous, absurdly handsome, very attractive, dazzling, flawless, perfect x 4, stunning, brilliant, mysterious, gloriously intense, breath-taking, and too-perfect.

Bella not only doesn’t display any redeeming features, she actually gets worse with such lines as:
I couldn’t allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.
He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me on…so we couldn’t even be friends…because he wasn’t interested in me at all. Of course he wasn’t interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging –a delayed reaction to the onions.
[Edward]”Why don’t you sit with me today?” he asked, smiling.
I sat down automatically, watching him with caution.
The worst part about Friday was that, even though I knew he wasn’t going to be there, I still hoped.
One of two options seemed practical. The first was take his advice: to be smart, to avoid him as much as possible…To tell him to leave me alone–and mean it this time. I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I considered that alternative. My mind rejected the pain, quickly skipping on to the next option.
Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.

This girl needs serious psychological help. She’s also up to four instances of clumsiness.

The writing continues along at the same quality with such gems as “It [a path] snaked around the Sitka spruces, and the hemlocks, the yews and the maples. I only vaguely knew the names of the trees around me…” No, YOU JUST NAMED THEM. *facepalm* She later says that nothing had changed in the forest for four thousand years…while sitting on a tree that had just recently fallen over. *sigh* Adverbs run rampant and there’s so much telling and not showing its ridiculous.

Still no sparklepire.

Nearly one hundred and fifty pages into this, a third into the book, and I can’t see why this series is appealing. Well, at least I have whiskey.

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7 Responses to 31 Days of Twilight – Day 2, Where In Edward Reveals His Secret…That He’s Kind Of A Crazy, Psycho Jerk

  1. chefkittie says:

    Keep it up, I am loving it! We may have to get you to do all the books. Wait, maybe not, you probably want a working liver…

    • mattmarovich says:

      Thank you for the support. I’m taking a break today to give my mind a rest. It’s going to be a challenge doing 2k daily updates for the rest of the month.

  2. robine says:

    I must say I love you for this line alone. “Maybe my mind was getting used to it, building a tolerance like Wesley did to iocane powder.” 🙂

    • mattmarovich says:

      *bows* Thank you. I had to think of a good “building a tolerance” reference. Being a child of the ’80’s and early ’90’s there was only one clear reference to make.

  3. spideyj says:

    It’s interesting, I read the first book a while ago (before the movies came out) on my sisters’ recommendations. I basically read it and forgot about it, putting it in the same category in my head with crappy romance novels until it blew up in popularity. I feel the same way about it now that I do about Harry Potter – mostly irritating because it’s not very good and there are so many better things out there. I have no issue with people enjoying trash (I have a high tolerance for it myself, though no time to indulge it much these days) but I’d really prefer if they recognized it as such and that the truly talented YA writers out there (like my beloved departed Diana Wynne Jones) get the recognition they deserve.

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